The Evolution of Suzumiya Haruhi
by jcgonzo
Summary: The college years have come, and the Brigade is still together. But a new conspiracy simmers under the surface of their idyllic days, threatening to turn everything around yet again. And amidst it all, the devil lurks in the detail...
1. Chapter 1

**The Evolution of Suzumiya Haruhi**

"Been a decade or so. How's the Project going?"

"The Singularity remains stable. You have the relevant reports."

"Yeah, I have the relevant reports. What I don't have is your personal assessment. You're an heuristic AI- a portion of the IDE. Not some backwater algorithm."

"...understood. It is of the opinion of this unit that the Strongly Godlike Entity is stable as of the present moment. She has shown all of the worst case scenario indicators, but excepting the incident of four years past, and theoretically seven years past, has not acted outside of expected parameters."

"Heh. 'Expected parameters.' Right. I wonder if it ever occurred to them that she might be more stable if she were to be made aware of the inherent responsibilities of her powers..."

"A scenario involving her 'awakening' has been considered and rejected. "

"Perhaps. I'll be seeing you soon."

Chapter One – Expansion

She never really questioned it- and why would she? As she's done all her life, since that moment of revelation seven years ago, she's done the best she could to make life fit the mold of her mind's eye. So when it came time to apply for colleges, when the Tests came into sight, it was only natural that she would take the lead in every one of their academic efforts- the all-night cram sessions, the massive pile of flash cards (whose creations were, naturally, delegated to her boyfriend), the constant bickering with the teachers for every tenth-point in their GPA... Suzumiya Haruhi was a one-woman assault upon the local educational establishment, and as far as she was concerned, her efforts paid off.

They were all in the same college. Her, Kyon, Itsuki, Yuki, even Mikuru. Never mind that Mikuru had already graduated a year before them, and only transferred because her school and inexplicably burned down. Never mind that Kyon's test scores could only be described as "unremarkable." Never mind that, under ordinary circumstances, there was no way in hell the prestigious Tokyo U would've accepted all of them. To Haruhi, the important thing- the only thing- was that the SOS-dan were still together.

Kyon, of course, knew a little better. He leaned back on the park bench, basking in the last sun of the summer, contemplating his continued fate as the straight man of their oddball group as his weiqi partner in turn contemplated the layout of black and white stones.

"Ah, tricky," murmured the esper as he carefully placed a black stone into the fray. "You're getting better at deception, Kyon-san."

Kyon shrugged. "Still going to lose to you, of course. How many games have we played up until now?"

"Oh, a hundred or so. You have beaten me before, though."

"Yeah. Then you got smacked into me by that celestial two years ago, and I learned- well, confirmed, rather- that you've been holding back."

"Haha, yes. That was an amusing week, wasn't it?"

Kyon snorted. "Sure, for you maybe. Took me three days to learn how to turn off that mindreading trick. I don't know how you cope."

Koizume shrugged. "It's like bicycling. It's hard at first, then you get used to it. Sometimes you even get a Lance Armstrong. Besides, she wouldn't have let you come to harm."

Kyon eyed his friend. "Er, didn't quite follow that."

"Some of my... brethren, the more religious sorts, claim that her dominion is absolute- nothing's left to chance, only whim. She probably wanted you to have the powers for at least a little while- you did, after all, get to know her, ah, quite a lot better that week."

Kyon blushed. Halcyon memories of junior year threatened to rise and deepen his embarrassment. "Y-yeah, I guess so. I don't buy that deterministic junk, though. She's not even subconsciously aware of her powers- how can she arrange that sort of coincidence?"

Koizume nodded happily. "Neither do I, actually. But personally... well, we know she's not nearly as one-dimensional as she appears. And our telepathy is, itself, of limited ability. Even if she didn't plan it out, she probably wished for a confidant And you know better than to ask me 'why me?'"

Kyon made a face. "Well, I suppose it worked well enough."

"Our goddess is a merciful one," said Koizume slyly.

"Oh cut it out."

Kyon lost again.

On the other end of campus, Suzumiya Haruhi was getting... dangerously... bored. Having Mikuru prance around in bunny wear to attract new members for the Tokyo U branch of the SOS-dan has been inexplicably unfruitful. Plenty of guys came by their club table to ogle, sure- but hardly SOS material. Sure, every good club has a pervert- it's an established anime staple. But Kyon already had that... K-kyon...

Her eyes narrowed as she felt a flush encroaching. The least dynamic and agreeable of the club members, and she ended up dating him! Itsuki was better-looking and better-behaved, and it wasn't as if there was a lack of guys back in high school that still approached her, despite her eccentric reputation. Sure, they were all basically trying to get into her pants (or skirt, as was the school uniform), and Koihime-san was... almost creepily enigmatic, but... ...still.. ...well, Kyon... knew her... Since day one, he's been the first to figure out her moods, her quirks... even accepted them, despite his unceasing complaints. A-and when they finally started dating... two years now, and she still got lost in a warm haze when he...

"Ah-hem, miss? Er, are you awake...?"

Haruhi snapped out of her revere. "Huhwha?"

"Sorry to bother you. I, er, wanted more information...?"

Ah! Much better! Haruhi's day was brightened considerably. The newcomer was painfully polite, timid even, which meant that she'll more likely than not to follow Haruhi's whims. Not quite as moe as Mikuru, but-

"Wrong table, sis. That's the SOS- the Astronomy and Science Fiction Association's that booth."

-drat. No way! This girl isn't going to fall into the clutches into a bunch of dirty geeks! Not if Suzumiya Haruhi had anything to say about it! Besides, there was that pesky minimum number of club members to fulfill...

"Hey, she can choose for herself!" snapped Haruhi as she jumped up from her chair. "Don't be so overprotective you geeky... er..."

Wrong choice of words perhaps. He certainly didn't look the part. Too... polished. Fit. Didn't fit the stereotype at all. Yoshioka Kaoru was a synthesis of paradoxes- fashion and good taste firmly embedded into a framework of esoteric passions. The ASFA was one of the largest clubs on campus, second only to the political and representative organizations, and it was thanks in part to the reputation of but a few key members. Unsurprisingly, however, that went hand in hand with a high turnover rate when the girls (and some guys) got to realizing that there were other ways to approach the lookers in the group. He flashed a defiant grin at the brigade leader.

"Yes, was there something?" asked Kaoru. "Look, Suzumiya-san, it's nothing personal, alright? Sis and I were officers in our high school club- I just forgot to tell her where our booth was. Besides... you certainly seem as if you have enough recruits."

"Um... ano... we can join more than one club, right?" asked the younger of the Yoshioka siblings. Mai was perhaps the antithesis to her brother- thick, horn-rimmed glasses and faded, nondescript clothing- cute, definitely, but buried deeply under a thick swab of drab. Nature granted their family a rare visage... but nurture had totally different plans. "I could join both..."

"Phah. I've seen your workload, sis. No way-"

"You should join the SOS then!" interrupted Haruhi. "We're much more interesting. All your brother's club do all day long's look at stars, talk geek, and drool over anime girls. I was at their last meeting-"

"Which was the second of the quarter, and she pointedly didn't mention the event planning that happened early on," interjected Kaoru firmly. "Besides, the SOS Brigade's not any better- they go 'looking for aliens, time travelers and espers' like a bunch of little kids-"

"HEY! Why you-"

"STOP!" yelled Mai desperately. "Stop fighting!"

Daggers glared back and forth between Haruhi and Kaoru... and the latter was first to relent. Kaoru breathed out. "I think what we have here is a mutual misunderstanding. Alright, it's not as if it's going to be a permanent arrangement if Mai-chan doesn't like it anyhow. You can join Suzumiya-san's club if you want to, Mai."

"Alright..."

"Yay!" exclaimed Haruhi. "Welcome to the SOS-dan, Yoshioka-sa-"

"On one condition!" said Kaoru over Haruhi's exuberance. "I don't like how you portrayed my club and friends, Suzumiya-san. And I know you're having trouble filling quota. For the loan of my sister, I demand your own continued presence in the ASFA- and to sweeten the deal, for every other member of the SOS that also joins, I'll have one of my pals sign up for the SOS as well. Get them all to join and that's a hundred-percent expansion. I personally guarantee it."

"...Hmph. Itawai-san's in charge, right? I'll have to finalize the deal with your president."

"Elections were during the i first /i meeting, Suzumiya-san, amongst the recurring members," said Kaoru, grinning with open amusement. "You're talking to him."

* * *

Oh _gods _it's finally finished! Just chapter one, and I spent about three days angsting over it. ;; That'll teach me to let my writing skills atrophy for months at a time. Anyhow, to the Kyon x Haruhi crowd and LJ group, a shoutout t' ye all- and don't worry. The usual reaction when a fanficcer starts tossing in major original characters is usually apprehension and dread- indeed, nine times out of ten, their mary sues or gary stus're going to end up hitched with the protagonist. Maybe this is a bit of a spoiler, but I figured that the readers deserve a break this once- I can swear, wholeheartedly, that Kaoru's not going to so much as kiss Our Goddess.

No comments on Mai. (JK! Jk! ...maybe. 3)


	2. Chapter 2

"Your method of entrance was disruptive."

"The Agency took care of it, right?"

"Correct."

"Then no harm done. My mission's similar to yours, not same. Active observation, not passive. This was the most efficient way to set up."

"The IDE is... apprehensive of the path you've set out. The other organizations have noticed."

"The Integrated Data Entity isn't my superior- and my, ah, subordinate will counter anything they'll try. Look, my own calculations, as limited as they are, show a mere one-point-seventy-five percent chance of discovery."

"She is the Singularity. When dealing with Suzumiya Haruhi, all probability is suspect."

Chapter Two – Threat

"Ne, Kyon-kun, I want ice cream," said Haruhi as she plopped next to him on the bed, ponytail bouncing. "Wake up already!" It was late morning, in Kyon's dorm, and it should come as no surprise at all that Haruhi had a copy of the key.

"Mnnrgh... Kyon, wake up and take your girlfriend out on a date or something," grumbled his roommate angrily. "Wanna sleep in... Saturday..."

"How do you think I feel?" groaned Kyon as he dragged himself up, taking the rare liberty to slump over Haruhi's back and pulling her in for an embrace. "Morning, you nut. What's this about ice cream?"

"It's a heat wave," said Haruhi happily. "Waffles and ice cream for breakfast! Come on! Your treat!"

"Ice cream this early? Do your parents actually let you do that? No wonder you're so hyper all the time."

"Hmph. Our parents aren't around! I'll eat ice cream when I want to!"

"Hai... just let me get dressed, alright?"

As dates with her went, it was surprisingly fairly normal. No exorbitant demands (the ice cream didn't count- it really was a hot morning, and Haruhi in ponytail and a sundress was payment enough for his troubles), no ridiculous plans or violent disruptions... the novelty of ice cream in an unusual time of day was apparently enough to please her. Kyon, naturally, took this as cue to hike his deeply ingrained paranoia up a few degrees- it was too good to last.

"So, uh, what are you planning to do today?"

Oops. Wrong question. Haruhi's good mood tuned slightly sullen. "We have that deal with the astronomy club, remember? We have to go to their boring meeting."

The "we" was emphasized. If Haruhi was displeased, Kyon was going to be displeased. Not necessarily- or even usually- for the same reason... but the altruism worked.

"Well, it can't be that bad, right? They share similar interests, after all."

"Hmph. Maybe. They're pretty dull, though- they don't actually go looking around for aliens! They just... talk about them. Boring! Which reminds me- we need to plan for the next expedition! We never did find any aliens, time travelers or espers back in high school, but there are so many more people in college!"

"Yare yare..."

A lucky intervention on Kyon's behalf- before Haruhi's ideas could fully take flight (or, perhaps more appropriately, blast off), their date was interrupted as a blur of green hair appeared out of nowhere, smacking into Haruhi.

"Haru-chan!"

"Nya!" yelled Haruhi in surprise. "Tsuruya-chan! What are you doing here?"

"I go to school here, silly!" loudly laughed the hyperkinetic green-haired girl. "My parents wanted me to go to some American private school, but you know how my English grades were. Haha!"

"That's great! The whole gang's back together!" said Haruhi happily, her good spirits restored. The girls chattered happily as Kyon bemusedly watched on.

"My, my. Looks like we've both been abandoned," said a familiar voice behind Kyon. Itsuki patted Kyon on the shoulders. "My apologies, I didn't know you two were in the middle of a date. Ice cream this early?"

Kyon blinked in surprise. "You and Tsuruya...?"

"Just as friends. Tsuruya-san, Suzumiya-san, you girls won't mind if I kidnapped Kyon for a while?"

Tsuruya eyed Itsuki knowingly and snickered. "Kyon's Haruhi's playmate, Koizumi-kun. Don't do anything strange, nyoro!"

"What, hey!" stammered Kyon.

"Don't worry," laughed Itsuki. "I won't do anything Suzumiya-san wouldn't approve of." Images of the one time he accidentally found Haruhi's secret stash of, er, "fantasy" comics came unbidden to Kyon's mind, much to his horror. Worse, Haruhi's own patronizing smile hinted at the same.

"Alright, I don't mind. Tsucchan and I can catch up. You two go play chess or something," said Haruhi. "You two better not miss the meeting, though! The survival of the SOS depends on it!" she exclaimed, pointing dramatically at the boys.

"Hai, Dan-chou," said Itsuki, saluting cheerily.

"Yeah, I know..."

The boys ended up in the local record store, picking through the rock albums. More specifically, for the new ENOZ release. The same girls they've gone to high school with were making big names for themselves, riding the crest of a surging demand for "bandols." Yet another example of Haruhi's subconscious meddling, perhaps... but not a particularly malevolent one, for once. According to Koizumi, the week preceding and during the band's performance in an area near Haruhi was considered vacation for the Agency- a relief from their sporadic and unpredictable responsibilities.

"Lost My Music" was even playing in the store, accentuating the new, cheery paintwork. It had been refurbished not long after Haruhi and company had entered college, coinciding with a change in management... much to the disappointment of the _angura kei_ fans that had originally commandeered the store. But with more customers now... well, Haruhi seemed happy enough, at any rate.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" asked Kyon. "Something came up?"

"We're meeting somebody," said Itsuki, his immovable smile slightly strained. "Or, rather, she wanted to meet you."

Kyon blinked in surprise. "Me? Who is it?"His perplexed look only remained as Itsuki pointed behind him.

"Why Kyon. I'm surprised your girlfriend hasn't talked about me yet. I am, after all, responsible for your current situation."

Another blink. The speaker was not at all anything what Kyon expected- dressed, as she were, in a dark red tartan skirt, a tight, v-neck halter top, and with stockings revealing the faintest line of skin between itself and the skirt. Her hair was tied up in a pair of high pigtails, black ribbons dangling loosely from it. This was not the shy, plain girl Haruhi had described- Mai's aggressive, knowing grin had nothing in common with the reputation she had put forth the day before.

"This is... Mai Yoshioka, Kyon," said Itsuki. "And this is Kyon... Yoshioka-san."

"My goodness, Koizume-san, you sound apprehensive," said Mai with a leer. "Are you afraid of something?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Yoshioka-san," said Itsuki, his smile never fading. "Shall I tell the Agency to prepare the ride?"

"Ah, yes, that would be most helpful of you," she replied. Mai hooked an arm around Kyon, and dragged him towards the store's exit. "It's going to be a busy day, and we don't want you to miss my, hee, brother's meeting after all."

A stretch limo pulled up, black, tinted glass glaring ominously in the midday sun. Kyon would've probably noted how cliched it was... if he wasn't being surrounded by thugs in suits. Even Itsuki seemed somewhat put off by their presence.

"Miss Yoshioka, your bodyguards..." he said.

"Will be accompanying me, of course," she responded. "A girl needs her escorts, after all. There's enough space for us all, isn't there?"

"Of course. Let me get the door for you, then."

For all the luxuries inherent in a stretch limousine, Kyon was horrifically uncomfortable. He was jammed between two expressionless, absurdly muscular suits, and his eyes were watering from their cheap cologne. There was a minibar in the vehicle- Itsuki had poured some white wine for Mai, and offered some to Kyon, though the offer was refused.

"According to my informants, Kyon," started Mai. "You are perhaps just as well-read as Suzumiya-san in terms of, shall we say, fantastical literature."

"She had us hit the library rather often back in high school," said Kyon, remembering the many hours he and Yuki had spent at the local branch.

"I'm talking about before you met her," said Mai. "Hm, something a bit drier next time, Koizumi-san. Kyon, I'm a witch."

Four years of being around Haruhi has made Kyon perhaps just a bit jaded when it came to the supernatural. His only response was "Ah. Storybook witch or Wiccan?"

"Storybook. The Wiccan movement popularized in America is similar, but deals more with faith than power. To be more precise, Kyon, I'm a necromantic witch. The spirits- and bodies- of the dead are my specialty. I do a fairly lucrative business blackmailing government officials and businesses that way," she said with a smirk. "And yes, it started seven years ago."

"Alright. ...what does it have to do with me?"

"Dierctly? Nothing. Indirectly? Well, you are closest to Suzumiya-sama."

Oh great, thought Kyon. Another religious nut. No wonder she was in Itsuki's company. "Well, I think you can ask my friend here- I can't keep Closed Space from forming, rewrite the universe's data, or anything like that. Which is to say, I'm not of much help to you."

"You severely underestimate your own contributions, I think," said Mai. "According to Koizumi-san here, the Agency's activities have progressively dropped since you two started dating. In fact, there was absolutely no sealed dimensions formed during the month immediately after the Tanabata festival of your junior year." Mai grinned slyly at Kyon. "I wonder why that might be..."

Kyon glared at both Itsuki and Mai for this breach of privacy. "Okay, change of subject. Why do you want my help again?"

"To keep her safe, happy and trouble-free," said Mai as she sipped at her wine. "Otherwise, I'll have to kill her."

"...no pressure, huh?" said Kyon, an underlying of steel in his voice. "Can you at least tell me why you're threatening my girlfriend's life?"

"The Agency isn't the only one keeping her Closed Spaces from gestating beyond a certain period," said Mai. "They've made alliances with much of... how do I put it... the 'spirit world' to countermand Suzumiya-sama's displeasure. It's true- her attacks have gotten less and less frequent- but they've also gotten much more powerful."

A sudden chill in the air- the familiar cold tang of Closed Space prickled at Kyon's skin. He looked out of the window to see the familiar but still jarring sight of an abandoned city... and suddenly realized that what he was smelling from Mai's bodyguards wasn't cologne- but a mix of formaldehyde and funeral incense. "Necromantic witch," she had said. The connotations were suddenly frightening.

The limo stopped, and he was roughly shoved out- and nearly collapsed to his knees as an earthquake crashed around him. He looked up- and gaped at the immensity of what he was seeing. It was an all-out war in the heavens- the familiar flashes of red light from the Agency's espers, yes, but hundreds if not thousands of others, all in vicious orbit around a single, gigantic blue humanoid. Though traditionally taller than an office building, this Celestial was beyond the conceptual scope of "massive-" it seemed the size of an entire Himalayan mountain.

"Well, a concerted attack. Your Agency is doing rather well," noted Mai with amusement. "I can see my sisters have also gotten involved. Kyon, look at that display of power. God's wrath requires an equally massive response- and so far, we've been holding our own. But, according to my spirits, there's a very good reason why there hasn't been such a massive battle of magic versus magic in so many thousands of years. Not since Atlantis."

The army of espers and witches and spirits were successful- the great monster gave a loud, almost pitiful moan as it dissipated into a flood of bright blue sparks, settling like snow over the grayscale city.

Then an odd thing happened. Where each spark landed, a technicolor glow burst out- a low-level display of fireworks spreading like wildfire throughout the city. Itsuki and Mai seemed unconcerned by this turn of events, but that was no comfort to Kyon- he covered his face as the flood of colors washed over him, bathing him in fire and ice.

"What- what was that?" coughed Kyon as he moved to dust off his jacket.

"Tens of thousands of years ago, before the Integrated Data Entity's reach had extended as far as this planet, before most of humanity were yet out of their caves, stood the great empire of Atlantis," said Mai, ignoring his question. "And it was ruled by the Living Goddess, whose name has long since been lost. Thousands of years ago, She was slain as the heavens cracked open, and poured down a righteous fury upon the Atlantisean continent." Mai motioned at the remnants of the technicolor glow. "It's getting harder and harder to disperse the energies left by your girlfriend's temper tantrum, Kyon. The fabric of reality itself is beginning to buckle, and whomever it was that destroyed Atlantis did so exactly because of that threat."

Kyon glared at her. "I won't say that I don't believe what you just said, but I still don't see what role I play- or why you have to threaten her life. To be honest, I'm pretty pissed at you right now- as far as I'm concerned, you're just another showoff esper- talking a lot, saying almost nothing."

"Aha, I deserved that one," said Itsuki apologetically. "Unfortunately, Kyon, she's speaking the truth. We're in trouble, and you're the only one we know of that can possibly help."

"Well, what is it that you want me to do then?" snapped Kyon angrily. "Make her less... less... less Haruhi? Tell her not to blow up the world every time she gets angry? Itsuki, I thought you gave up that annoying habit!"

Itsuki sighed. "Kyon, I'm telling you everything I know this time. I don't know _ i what_ /i you should be doing. Nobody really does. I can confirm Yoshioka-san's story- we've gotten stronger and stronger hints of a malevolent entity encroaching, other than the ones we faced in high school- but frankly, she's just as at a loss as we are as to what to do. Atlantis only happened once- we don't even know what _doesn't_ work."

"Liar," snickered Mai. She leered at Kyon- the look in her eyes was chilling. "I control the undead, remember? As long as she's still human, I can summon a vampire and have her sucked dry, powers and all. She'll be 'alive' enough to keep the universe in one piece, if that's what you're concerned about."

"The Agency, of course, cannot agree to this course of action," said Itsuki, his smile a bit frostier. "We, I especially, wish not to see Suzumiya-san harmed. Nor do we wish to comply with your attempts to wrest power from her."

Mai shrugged at the esper and gently, mockingly, traced a finger along his jawbone. "Time soon enough when not even her espers can stop me, Agency bitch." Mocking laughter turned into echoes as she and her zombie bodyguards faded, a ripple in the air before them signifying her transition from Closed Space.

"So there you have it," sighed Itsuki. "We'll be relying on you to find a way to save the world- again. Sorry, Kyon. Not sure if a kiss will be sufficient this time, unfortunately."

"Oh har har. Get me out of here, will you?"

The ride out of Closed Space and back towards the university was quiet, an uncomfortable silence gaping between Kyon and Itsuki. A tinny ringtone reverberated from Kyon's jacket pocket- he fumbled hurriedly for it, and winced when an angry rant erupted from it, straight into his ear.

"Sorry, sorry, had the phone off for a bit," said Kyon. "Uh, can't hear you- you're yelling too loud. What? I'm sorry! We're on our way! Alright, alright, 'heads will roll.' Yeah, sushi dinner. You want a foot massage with that, mistress? ...alright, maybe that was out of line. Look, we'll be there in time! We're in a car!" Kyon gave an exasperated sigh. "Yare yare... alright. No, it's okay. I love you too."

"You two are getting along as dynamically as always," noted Itsuki.

"I guess so. What are we going to do? The Yoshiokas managed to con Haruhi into joining that astronomy club they run- I don't exactly think Haruhi's going to be safe under their influence."

"No, probably not. But not in the way you think." Itsuki grinned as the limousine slowed in front of the school. "Kyon, cheer up. Not everything's as hopeless as it seems. Mai forgets sometimes that an esper's ability to read minds comes hand in hand with the ability to shield the same. Talk to you again after the meeting."

"Eh? Where are you going?"

"Ah, right. Give Haruhi-san my apologies- tell her I've got work. As it turns out, that phone call was a predecessor to another attack."

"Hai... Good luck."

The club room was on the first floor of the humanities department, and smelled distinctly of old paperbacks- a smell almost hauntingly familiar, perhaps, in its similarities to the old SOS/Literature Club den back in their high school. It was, however, considerably larger- and the SOS-dan didn't have nearly as many people lingering around. The chatter was excited- freshmen comprised a good third of the club's current membership, and despite what Haruhi might've claimed, the club had a fairly good reputation for off-the-wall activities. There was even a surprisingly large number of female members- of which were taking particular mischievous delight in flaunting their geek cred at the more, ah, socially awkward boys. It was one of the few places Kyon knew of where being "geekier than thou" was not only a good thing, but a viable tactic in the war between the sexes.

But geek cred had to step aside to sheer force of personality. The door slammed open behind Kyon as Suzumiya Haruhi, formerly of North High School, made her official debut. A slight wind had even picked up behind her, fluttering the edge of her skirt as she struck a pose, arms folded, at the assembly, flanked by the ever-stoic Nagato Yuki, and the shy, trembling form of Asahina Mikuru. The look on the lead girl's face was stern, but even (or perhaps especially) she can't keep a straight face while in the midst of a ridiculous entrance such as that. The quivering form of a maniacal grin threatened to ruin the moment, but was killed on the spot when she glanced at Kyon.

"Where's Itsuki-san?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at Kyon.

"Work," he said, shrugging. "Sends his apologies- his boss dragged him away."

"Mou... this isn't the first time Koizumi-san's skipped out," complained Haruhi. "I'm pretty annoyed- I ought to give his boss a good talking to about Itsuki's responsibilities to the Brigade! We're losing face to the ASFA president- what if he decides to cheat on the deal because Itsuki can't show up?"

"Oh I'm hardly that unfair," said a muffle voice behind her. A towering pile of crates, boxes, bags and miscellaneous gear hid Kaoru Yoshioka's face. "Koizumi-san had already told me of his prior obligations. Hey, uh, mind getting out of the way? This's getting pretty heavy."

"Oh, uh-"

"It's the president!" yelled a regular. "Sir, please let us assist you!"

"Ah, that would be great," said Kaoru with a sigh of relief as his burden lessened by handfuls at a time. "Sanno, that's the new lens for the auto-tracking telescope. Urakara, the Firefly box set I imported- put it with the rest of them. We're watching those next week. Ryuho, please grab a case of soda or two. They're the heaviest of the bunch- ah, not that, that's my dinner. Ah, much better." He was left with only a laptop case, a half-full can of beer and some stray paperwork. The beer was quickly consumed, the excess moisture patted off by a napkin, and an exhalation of relief was loudly breathed out. "Long day. Anyhow! Vice President Tanaka, if you will do the opening?"

"Ahem," coughed the vice president as the room quieted down. Kaoru handed him the paperwork. "Nuclear doomsday clock has budged down one second since the last meeting before the summer, due to continued conflicts in the Middle East. Kardashev civilization levels remain under 1.0. The Singularity has NOT come, so don't give up on your mundane investments yet. Today marks the twelfth year of our ongoing outreach experiment. So far, we've pinged Sirius, Beta Lyrae and Alpha Centauri, triangulating known planetary bodies with aid from our allied colleges. Sirius and Alpha Centauri have, of course, not responded to our hails after the expected elapsed time- though, as I'm sure our president is eager to note, the old triangulations may need to be updated to take in account what we know now about dark matter, galactic drift, atmospheric decoherence, and superior civilian-level laser technology."

"We will, of course, require more fundraising," noted another regular- the treasurer.

"As always," noted Kaoru. "My family is, of course, willing to pitch in a little, but don't expect much- Fundraising Chair?"

"Paintball tournament," said a short girl, her hair bleached almost white. She didn't look up from her laptop. "Get our rivals to participate, have sponsors offer proceeds to charity, winning gets cash prize of a hundred thousand. We'll win- as always."

"Er... anything else that doesn't require so much paperwork?" said Kaoru, sweatdropping at the thought of the looming chore.

"The Slave for a Day auction. It was our most successful last year."

"...Yamamoto-san's got a girlfriend now, and he was the star last-"

"There's you."

"...no. Themed party?"

"Police citation last time."

"...damn, right. Er, why a paintball tournament, though?"

The girl reached behind her, and pulled out a massive, horrifying monstrosity of tubes and pressure valves. "I made another one."

Kaoru facepalmed. "I shoud've gotten another beer. I'll contact Kuwana. Oh, hey, sis- you made it."

"S-sorry!" stammered Mai as she ran in, bowing profusely at the club members. "Traffic accident! My apologies." She had returned to her regular garb- to Kyon, the cognitive dissonance between her prior appearance and what she looked like now was almost overwhelming... but he could've sworn there was the faintest hint of a leer when she glanced at him.

"No, it's alright," said Kaoru benevolently. "We're just going through the usual opening ritual. Alright, Nanahara-san, please contact our usual sponsors about arranging the tournament. So! Newcomers! I'd especially like to welcome North High's SOS Brigade's members- they too are active in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, and have been known to do some fieldwork on occasion. Sorry, Suzumiya-san- the club itself's only got mortals such as yourself and me."

Kyon twitched almost visibly at this. Kaoru's implications... no... it was never a good idea to start seeing gods and monsters everywhere he went. Then again, the way some of them giggled or smirked seemed less condescending and more... knowing. Was this how Haruhi viewed the world?

"I would also like to note that I'm encouraging anybody to join the SOS themselves, if they wish," continued Kaoru. "Our fields of interest are similar, but do diverge on key issues- Murai-san, Ishida-kun, it'll be a good excuse for the both of you to track down that oni you two claimed to have seen during that hike last month at Mt. Fuji."

At this, Haruhi became much more interested, going from feigned boredom (though Kyon had noticed a slight gleam in her eyes at the club's 'outreach experiment') to her infamous maniacal grin. "Reaaalllyy now. Demons, you say?"

"W-we- it was dark," said Ishida lamely, flustered at having the club's entire attention diverted to him. "It was probably just a vagabond or-"

"That's funny," mused Kaoru. "I could've sworn it was a full moon and clear skies that night."

"Yare yare..." muttered Kyon. Kaoru was overacting, perhaps- deliberately feeding fuel into Haruhi's mental fires.

"But that's neither here nor now," said Kaoru changing the subject. "Those interested can talk to Suzumiya-san after the meeting. What we're going to do first is get everybody's contact information, discuss the usual rules and regulations... oh, and don't forget, folks. Our brothers from the Institute of Technology's holding a small convention next month to commemorate the release of Day of Sagittarius V. We've got a table- let's actually do something with it this year."

"Game showcase!"

"Doujinshi!"

"H Doujin!"

"Yaoi!"

"Futa-"

"Alright, alright!" interrupted Kaoru loudly. "Yeesh, what is this, the comics club? Alright, we'll hold a vote at next week's meeting- email any of the officers, including me, with your ideas. Think scifi, folks- and no, Shinji, that doesn't include lost-civilization conspiracy theories."

"Awww..."

"Now remember- we're hosting another Mt. Mitake expedition in a few weeks. Meteor showers, horror films on Ishida-san's portable DVD players, and booze. It's going to be fun! Bring your telescopes and sign up quick- we've only so much space in the van. That's pretty much all. Alright, roll tape!"

They were showing an episode of the Legend of Galactic Heroes, and while starships roared with incandescent beams of fire at each other and the room cheered for either side, Kyon felt a tap on his shoulders.

"Hm? Yuki?" asked Kyon. "What is it?"

"There are matters of interest we wish to discuss with you."

"...no surprise."

They found themselves in the cool night air outside of the building- where Kaoru was found leaning against the building, eyes closed with earbuds in place. He looked up, and smiled as he pulled them off. "Kyon-san, Nagato-san. I assume you talked to my sister earlier today?"

Kyon's expression hardened. "Yeah. She said some interesting things."

"The Integrated Dated Entity is in agreement with the Agency," said Yuki. "The optimal choice is not in the deletion of the observational subject."

"Oh, please. No, I'm in disagreement with my sister as well," laughed Kyon, shaking his head. "I'm not here as her spokesperson this time."

"Then why did you call me out?" asked Kyon, suspicion still firmly etched in his face.

Kaoru grinned, and handed Kyon a flash drive.

"Because I want you to help me betray her."


	3. Chapter 3

"...'I appear to be a verb...'"

"Timothy Leary. ...what relevance does that have?"

"Just wondering if the concept of 'God' applies to that as well. Don't worry, I'm just thinking out loud. Tell me, did they...?"

"Consent has been given. I am authorized to assist in the fashion you have detailed."

"Good."

Chapter Three – Gods and Monsters

Kyon's eyebrow twitched irritably as he read through the files Kaoru had given him. He was topless except for a pair of boxers- it was a sweltering night at Haruhi's apartment, and the air conditioner had broke. The two fans were in the bedroom, droning a steady counterbeat to her snoring.

The file made no sense at all.

Kaoru's flash drive had contained... a plethora of odds and ends. Science fiction works- Kardashev civilizations, transhumanism philosophy, Dyson-Matrioshka brains and wormhole theory- made up about half of the available content, with the second half were PDFs of what looked like ancient stone tablets- but carved with an almost photorealistic precision and complexity. Some of the... things... depicted in the stone images were deeply unsettling- monsters and demons unlike anything Hollywood's spat out, and there was that sense that the deeply disturbed artist that had made permanent their features was nonetheless hiding something more to them.

Then there were the notes- "Read First," and "The Information You Requested."

The first note was "Act along with the second note. Delete this immediately, or Koizumi-san's going to have a field day trying to catch up with a sudden bout of Closed Space." With that threat in mind, Kyon complied.

The second note was-

"Kyon... you better not be looking up porn on my computer..." mumbled a sleep-deprived voice as a pair of hands landed gently- and pointedly- around Kyon's throat.

"Wh-what? I'm not!" protested Kyon. The embarrassment didn't cover up the sneaking suspicion that Kaoru had somehow expected this to happen.

"Oh? I see tentacle monsters..." said Haruhi, slowly tightening her grip with one hand while she pointed at a PDF. True, it had... quite a few appendages, though Kyon would hate to meet the sort of person that would find it arousing. It wasn't the worst of the images he's seen, but...

"Ow, you need to cut your nai- alright! Stop! Look!" Feeling the pressure mount on his jugular vein, Kyon opened up the second note in haste. Grudgingly trusting his life, as it were, in the hands of the ASFA's cocksure president.

"What are you doing up so late anyhow?" complained Kyon as he rubbed the sore nailmarks. "Don't you have class in the morning?"

Haruhi, of course, ignored him, completely engrossed with whatever it was Kaoru wrote. Kyon flinched when he felt her hands on his shoulders again- then yelped in surprise as she nibbled on his ear.

"What the- what are you doing?"

"Rewarding you, dummy. I'm happy that you're taking an interest in the club for once!"

"Oh, uh..." Kyon glanced a look at the note- and a short glance it was, as a cascade of hair soon covered his view, a kiss as hot as the summer sun met his lips, and a torrential flood of hormones soon rewrote his priorities.

"You've got an odd way of celebrating your anniversary," wrote Kaoru. "Alright, here's the background information you wanted- I recommend Charles Stross's 'Accelerando,' by the way, if you can find a translation- and a few suggested revisions on the opening scene you wrote up. Magic's last stand against the machinations of science, eh? Or is it reason's triumph over superstition? At any rate, the graphic artists in ASFA are, ah, 'looking forward' to working with North High's 'Ultra Director.' Please don't abuse them too roughly..."

- - - - -

"You look like you stayed up all night," said Kaoru as his language class with Kyon ended. He smirked as his sleep deprived classmate grunted listlessly in response.

"What are you?" asked Kyon as he yawned and packed his things.

"Come again?"

"What are you? Alien? Esper? Time traveler? Slider? And what about the rest of ASFA." Kyon glared. "And be more subtle. My girlfriend may be as dense as a brick when it comes to the SOS, but overacting is still overacting."

Kaoru shrugged. "You say that, but you don't even know what she read."

"...I don't quite follow."

"Me neither, actually. I had Nagato-san program it for me. It looks like a text document, but its contents changes based on who's reading it."

"Haruhi doesn't have a webcam, though, so how..." Kyon blanched. "You know what? Never mind. Every time she does something like that, it makes my head hurt."

Kaoru laughed as he opened the door for Kyon. "I feel much the same about it- but yes. To you, it would've been quite blatant, as we've no reason to deceive you. For your girlfriend? Not so much."

"You know, you still haven't answered any of my questions," said Kyon pointedly.

Kaoru wordlessly grinned at his classmate as they made their way through the stream of students in the hall. Kyon noted how, oddly, the river of bodies visibly parted when they neared Kaoru. The faint, nagging hint of surreality followed him as they exited the building and into the harsh summer light.

"I'm feeling peckish," said Kaoru as an imported Benz pulled up. "Why don't we continue this conversation at lunch? I know a restaurant- my treat."

The Emperor's Palace- one of the most prestigious new restaurants in downtown Tokyo. Kyon gave a shudder. From what he's learned, the Yoshioka family was rather well-off, but this was ridiculous- Kaoru was even on a first-name basis with the maitre d', the manager, half of the waiters, all of the waitresses... He glared daggers at Kaoru's back- clearly, the other guy was showing off.

"You drink?" asked Kaoru. "The chef's serving lobster newburg for today's special."

"Paired with a thirty-year-old white wine?" said Kyon acidly.

"Ha, no," said Kaoru unphased. "German hefeweisen, actually. I'm more of a beer guy."

"...well, it's your money."

The beers came, and Kyon stirred uncomfortably in the resultant silence. Kaoru merely grinned with open amusement at his lunchtime companion.

"So-"

"Ah!! I'm glad you made it." Kaoru got up, and motioned at the person behind Kyon. "Lobster Newburg today. Please, have a seat, Asahina-san."

Kyon's eyes widen as he turned to look behind him. A flare of red-haired radiance- and sheer shock. "I-it's been a couple years, Asahina-san."

"Oh? Only a few months for me," said the elder Mikuru with a grin. Her dress- a rather cunningly cut cheongsam as radiant as her hair- was quite clearly getting the attention of the various occupants of the restaurant. Kyon's eyes widened even further in shock as the two embraced warmly, Kaoru kissing her hand as he pulled out the chair for her. "Oh, Kacchan, drinking at this time of day?"

Kaoru laughed. "I'm a hard man to change, my dear. That's an absolutely stunning dress, idly."

"Flatterer," said Mikuru with a smile. "Kyon, be careful around Kacchan here. He's the devil himself."

At that, Kyon could only raise an eyebrow.

"Uncharacteristically straight to the point, Mikuru-san," said Kaoru. "They upped his classification for this one?"

"You could say that."

Kyon narrowed his eyes as the previous day's meeting replayed in his head. "'Mortals such as yourself and me.'"

"Ah-hah, he was paying attention."

"Haruhi isn't the only one then?"

Kaoru shook his head. "No, she's one of a kind. Her existence is why I exist, in a way. You have heard of the Agency's hypothesis?"

Kyon rolled his eyes. "They believe her to be God."

"Right. Now, ask me the question you've never asked, but always wondered." Kaoru grinned knowingly. "Because I can actually give you a decent explanation."

"...why her?"

"Because the spiritual realm is just as real as the physical realm," murmured Mikuru. "We had to take that into consideration when developing time-planar teleplacement technology."

"Right. And if you haven't noticed, Kyon, the stories of Atlantis go back a lot further than three years ago. So when I say that Haruhi is one of a kind- the first, last and only example of a Strongly Godlike Entity in this universe- and that there was one before her, what I mean is..."

"...she's the reincarnation of some goddess?"

Kaoru grinned. A waiter came by with the lobster newburgs and replaced their beers. "Close enough. Or, rather, when the Morningstar rebelled against his Host, he was more successful than the legends portrayed him. God- or, rather, Goddess- was killed... but gods die messily."

"Suzumiya-san's timequake wasn't the first of its kind," said Mikuru. "That's how we knew what it was in the first place- there's a gap in our historical knowledge at about the time of Atlantis's... discontinuation. In fact, the Goddess's deletion of Atlantis was so complete, there were almost no mentions of it in records of other nations, even those most peripheral to its sphere of influence."

"Almost no mentions," noted Kyon. "But there's still evidence, right? Plato, for example, and the others he cited. And the PDFs you showed me, Kaoru?"

Mikuru nodded, and laid an ancient, salt-water eroded gold coin in front of Kyon. "And this."

The surface was marred with age, but there was no mistaking it, after having been next to it for years. It was Haruhi's face in profile.

Kaoru flipped it over, and that caused Kyon to recoil violently.

It was his own.

"Gods die messily," said Kaoru. "Gods that evolved into their station? Even more so. Nagato-san, for example, has strongly godlike abilities in data manipulation- but as a created being, her powers are given set parameters, and she cannot overcome them without an external factor to alter, or 'upgrade,' her accordingly. If she were to be deleted by the IDE, that would be the end- any further Nagato Yukis would not be the same as that which you're familiar with."

"And Haruhi? And what does this have to do with me?"

"Sense of identity. Or, rather, soul. There's no way she'll remember her time in Atlantis- memory is primarily a neurochemical mechanism. But the Goddess was human- she tried to save those closest to her. The best she could do, however, was make it so that they would reincarnate with her."

"Wait... those monsters in your file were..."

"Ah, those. No. I'm sure you'll be relieved to know that human-descended gods look nothing like that."

"Well, that's comforting."

"Those were what I used to look like."

Kaoru grinned at Kyon's wide-eyed expression. "So was most of ASFA, actually. We... were... part of the force that destroyed Atlantis. Call us... the Antibodies, if you will. It's a fair approximation of our role. We appear whenever a Singularity does- a truly godlike entity is, you can imagine, a rather big threat to the stability of the spacetime fabric. When one such as Haruhi comes along, we try our best to... nullify... the threat. Kinda failed!" he said, laughing. "It was a stalemate- only her physical presence died, and we... well, there used to be a lot more of us on Earth."

"So you're the one your sister warned me about?"

Kaoru shook his head.

"They are."

The lights of the room dimmed. Kyon's skin crawled as, all around him, the restaurant's customers disappeared one by one.

"Lucifer," said Kaoru as shadows engulfed the restaurant. "The strongest of Heaven's host. Became corrupted by what God did not intend, and rebelled against God's Plan. When the Goddess, in desperation, sundered Atlantis, she also willed for her lover's redemption. Alas, gods die messily, and by then... her consort was only half a man."

Tentacles. Kyon could see them- a darkness greater than the suffocating shadows. Fear petrified him- he almost didn't notice Mikuru moving to stand in front of him, protectively embracing him. Kaoru's outline shimmered eerily against the backdrop of malevolent absence.

"It'll be over quick," said Mikuru comfortingly. "Just close your eyes."

Kaoru's shimmering outline flared once- and everything was white.

- - - - -

Underneath Itsuki's friendly expression was a bubbling cauldron of growing dread.

Haruhi was pissed, and that was never- never- good news for the poor, overworked esper.

"I'm sure Kyon will be here soon," he said soothingly. "You did say he was getting his phone service replaced."

"The new members are already waiting outside!" she snapped. "Come to think of it, Yoshioka-san isn't here either. What about our deal? Ooh, he better not be stiffing me!"

"P-please calm down..." said Mikuru nervously. "I made some tea for you..."

"Hmph," snorted Haruhi as she grabbed her tea mug and plopped down on the chair closest to the window. The new club room was more spacious than their old one- there were two tables parallel to each other, a desk "acquired" from a nearby classroom to serve as the brigade chief's desk, and bookshelves stocked with all of Haruhi's supernaturally-related books from home lining the walls. It was a significant collection, to be certain. "Thank you, Mikuru-chan."

The door creaked open. "Haruhi?" croaked an intensely strained voice.

"Kyon! Explain your- what the!"

Charred clothes and bandages. And the reek of... brimstone? No, must be gasoline, her nose was playing tricks on her from the shock. Kyon was alright, if a bit scratched up- Kaoru looked as if he had tried to single-handedly stop the Hindenburg from crashing. There was a massive cast over his right leg, and despite both the crutch and Kyon supporting his weight, he visibly winced whenever it touched down.

"Sorry about being late," rasped the ASFA president. "I... invited Kyon to grab lunch with me... there was a traffic accident and..."

"We, er, were kind of caught up in the hospit- erk!" said Kyon, trying to explain himself. He was stopped mid-sentence by a fierce, almost rib-crushingly hard hug from Haruhi.

"Y-you're not hurt, are you?" she said, her face buried in his shirt.

"N-no, I didn't get in the car when that driver came by."

"I'm glad." She turned to face the club. "Yoshioka-san, I'm afraid I'll have to postpone the first SOS-dan meeting until tomorrow. Please tell the new members to prepare an introduction for tomorrow. Thank you for coming, despite your injuries- please go home and rest."

"Thank you, Dan-chou," said Kaoru. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"It's not a problem. Can... can everybody get out of the room for a moment?"

- - - - -

"Well, her relief was enough to prevent any further outbreaks at least," said Itsuki wearily as he sat on the futon opposite of Kyon's chair. They were at Itsuki's apartment- ostentatiously for a study session. It was... difficult... to convince Haruhi that Kyon didn't need to follow her to the sports club meetings, but he had compromised by promising to stay over that night as well. "Kyon, what happened?"

"Um... to be honest, I don't know," said Kyon. "Mik- er, well, Yoshioka-san had a friend take me away before the fighting started- all I saw was a flash of white light."

"The former Antibody known as Yoshioka Kaoru was attacked by a being similar in function to Yoshioka's original form," said Yuki. "Yoshioka-san had, however, only limited access to his original abilities. His human host can only channel so much energy at a time without inflicting biofeedback damage."

"Wait, host?" asked Kyon. "What do you mean by that? And is that thing still... alive? Come to think of it, how do you know so much about the attack?"

"Antibody lifeforms may override another lifeform's free will. No, Yoshioka-san was successful in the termination of the threat," said Yuki. She fixed a look on Kyon- for a moment, he thought she looked almost apologetic. "I had directed the first fully functional Antibody towards Yoshioka-san at his request."

"An interesting dilemma," murmured Itsuki. "His sister seems almost a mild threat in comparison, doesn't she? This may be out of our league entirely."

"What... should we do?" asked Mikuru meekly. "My superiors only told me to stand by for more orders..."

Kyon sighed and leaned back. The events of the last few days have given him an immense headache. "I don't know. Yuki-san, how many more Antibodies are out there?"

"Two. According to the ASFA database, these are scouting units. Once they have located the whereabouts of Suzumiya Haruhi, they will signal for the main force to arrive. At that point, nothing can be done."

"...well, crap."

At that point, nothing else could be thought of, and they actually did get down to studying. Well, most of them did. Yuki had no need to, for obvious reasons, and Mikuru turned out to be at a wholly different level when it came to math, and not just from being a year ahead of the rest of them. All three of them were, however, struggling almost equally with English. It was in the midst of debating the nuances of past tense that Kyon's new phone rang, and he had to bade the rest of the SOS brigade good night.

It was a warm night as he made his way to Haruhi's apartment. Her parents had gotten her a place relatively close to the school- much like Itsuki, but clear on the opposite side, much to Kyon's chagrin. It was only a minor nuisance, though- the bike ride over at least let him stew over the bewildering events of the week.

Kaoru's parting words. "Everybody wants an Atlantis. Nobody wants Atlantis's doom." What the hell was that supposed to mean? And why the hell was everybody trying to kill Haruhi all of a sudden? He's been in over his head almost all of high school, but this was... ridiculous. Just keeping Haruhi entertained all high school was itself a Sisyphean task- but now, it was as if the boulder got heavier and heavier the more he rolled it. And grew poisoned spikes.

Yuki too. Was she working with Kaoru? What role was the Integrated Data Entity playing in this affair? Mikuru too- though Big Mikuru (and it was worth noting Mikuru Present was beginning to look a lot like her future self) had her own parting words to muddy up the already completely opaque waters. "Haruhi deserves an equal, don't you think? Don't worry, things will work out."

Well, the latter note was at least comforting. But she said something else, didn't she? Something about...

...why was Haruhi's lights out?

Kyon looked up at Haruhi's open window quizzically. No music, no lights... the air was ominously still. He saw a bat fly out- and at that, Mai's threat, lingering somewhere in the back of his mind all this time, charged to the forefront.

"Shit!"

He had a copy of her keys. It was a mutual agreement. The door was wrested open, and he flew into her bedroom, yelling her name. Everything was dark, and nothing but the chirping of cicadas outside greeted him. He thumbed the switch, and the bedroom lights flickered on.

Haruhi was unconscious.

Kyon, in a state of panic now, shook her violently. "Haruhi, Haruhi, wake up!"

"Nnn..." she groaned. "Kyon? What's wrong?"

"Oh thank god. I- I thought you were in trouble. The lights were out, and..."

"Mmph, silly Kyon," she said, yawning widely. "I just got tired of waiting for you, so I thought I'd take a nap." Kyon breathed a sigh of relief. "So how was studyi- ow!" Haruhi gingerly touched her lips- they were bloodied. "I must've bit myself in my sleep."

Kyon said nothing- but the two small nicks on her lips looked as if they had come from a pair of fangs.

"Take care of Harucchan," the elder Mikuru had said. "She'll need you more than ever."

AN: You have no idea how long this one took. You really, really don't. ;; (sobsobsob) So many dead ends, rewrites and writer's block...


	4. Chapter 4

"This is not an acceptable status."

"...I know."

"The sudden reversal has caused concerns to all parties."

"...I know."

"The Observational Tar- no, Suzumiya Haruhi- must not be controlled by forces malevolent to our existence."

"_I know_. Let me think, alright? This human brain- it can only think as fast as the quasi-deterministic synaptic exchanges can allow!"

"Human limitations are not the causal point of this situation. It is inhumanity that has brought us here."

"Point made."

Chapter Four – Threads

It was a quiet week. More accurately, it was a silent week. Kyon had pressed Haruhi to check with the doctor, but a clean bill of health did nothing to ease his mind. Itsuki's sudden distance didn't help- the esper had apologized about his recent absences, but had refused to elaborate on the details. The city-wide hunt for aliens, time travelers and espers- these days a common excuse for Kyon and Haruhi to go on their unique equivalent of a date- did nothing to settle a sense of growing dread.

He finally screwed up his nerves, and went to visit Kaoru.

"Before you say anything," said Kaoru as Kyon stomped into an otherwise empty clubroom. "Please accept my apologies."

"_Not_ accepted," yelled Kyon. "What the hell happened? What the hell did your sister do to Haruhi? You've got all the goddamn answers- it's time you told me some of them!"

Kaoru sighed as he absent-mindedly scratched at his cast, irritably glancing at it as he realized his folly. "I'm working under mostly human limitations, Kyon. I don't have all the answers. Only some educated guesses."

"Then tell me."

Kaoru shrugged. "I'll tell you what I can at this point."

There have always been cults to Atlantis, but some of them were of the real deal, as Kyon understands it. Whatever warp in time and space occurred those thousands of years ago, whatever bend in the law of reality smote it out of existence, it left a ripple that could be felt- and used- by some, even today.

Nine years ago, one of those cults, funded by a rich Japanese family, attempted to wrest some of that power as a means of furthering their own ambitions, channeling it through a child on the cusp of adolescence- sympathetic magics, enforcing what should have been a standing wave of power. They failed- or so they had thought.

Seven years ago, they tried again, coinciding with the Tanabata festival. They succeeded- or so they had thought.

"You can almost see it now, I think," said Kaoru. "My sister is mortal. Completely mortal. Just... 'gifted' by Suzumiya-san's profound desire for change. That gift granted her placement as the heir of our family, despite being the youngest."

"And you?" pressed Kyon.

"The Yoshiokas killed an innocent ten year old boy nine years ago," said Kaoru quietly. "His body was still alive, but the ritual went wrong. It shunted his soul out, and put something older than the stars in its place. Such a young flame of possibilities... but I had waited so long for a chance... I could feel the low yowlings across that dark abyss, the sussurings of forgotten dreams and gods..."

The light and shadows of the room seemed to fade in and out of focus. The hair on Kyon's neck prickled as cold heat emanated from all directions. And suddenly it ceased.

"I underestimated her," said Kaoru simply. "I underestimated her, that's all there is to it. I hope you can accept my apologies for that- but I plead for you to still trust me. You see this empty room? Just the two of us? All of my followers- they're on active duty, making sure no further harm comes to her. And the ordinary members have all been manipulated to be busy elsewhere."

Kyon nodded, suddenly tired. He turned to walk away, then froze mid-step.

"...your followers. Did they also...?"

Kaoru shook his head. "Raw firmament and will. I don't sacrifice lives needlessly. I don't try to do it at all, though in times before... no." He paused, then, slowly, that jaded, confident, all-knowing grin rematerialized. "No, this is still in my favor, though it adjusts the details some."

Kyon clenched his fists. "Kaoru. You realize you answer to a higher authority?"

"...I'd be surprised if I do. Who?"

"John Smith."

A stunned silence, then Kaoru nodded. "...I understand. I'll be more cautious from now on. Please remind Suzumiya-san that we are planning a club outing next weekend."

"Alright. There's a brigade meeting tomorrow."

"I'll see you then."

* * *

"PUNISHMENT!"

Mikuru winced. "Suzumiya-san, it's not his fault that-"

"Ha, I'm not talking about being sick! I'm talking about not telling me he's been sick!" said Haruhi haughtily as she waved an admonishing finger at Itsuki. "And from the Vice Chief of all people! Koizumi, I've been severely disappointed with your conduct as of late!"

"My apologies, Danchou," he murmured, bowing. "But I didn't wish to alarm you, especially given Kyon-kun and Yoshioka-san's earlier incid-"

"No excuses! Lunch is on you, Koizumi!"

He smiled and sighed, shrugging apologetically. "As you wish, my leader."

They took up the entire ramen bar, ten university students crowding the small room. The steam of hot ramen mingled with the slurping and joking and minor horseplay.

"Hey, sis, you okay?" asked Kaoru as he nudged his sister with his crutch.

"I'm... I'm not feeling well, excuse me," said Mai, pale and uncomfortable. She excused herself timidly, and rushed for the restroom.

"...is Mai-chan okay?" asked Haruhi. "Hey, you're her brother- what's wrong with her?"

"Oh, probably something she ate," said Kaoru. "I'll check up on her."

* * *

"I told you it was a bad idea to make your move so quickly."

"...yes, I realize that now. Even just a little bit was- too much."

"You know? If a mosquito lands on you and tries to feed, you can tense your muscles in that area. The surge of blood will literally make it pop. You're not strong enough yet, sister."

"And you?"

"Hmm? I'm not the one, ah, _consorting_ with vampiric spirits."

"Then what _are_ you consorting with?"

"I'm sure I don't have any idea what you mean."

"Don't play me for a fool. I know you're plotting something behind my back. If it is against the Family's wishes, niisan..."

"Heh. Our family has a long and 'noble' history of double- and triple-crosses, sister. But you know me- everything I do is for your own good."

"You bastard. Last time you did something for my own good, I- hrrgk."

Kaoru laughed quietly. "Hey, he wasn't your type. Here, open the door a bit. I have some mouth rinse for you."

* * *

"Rrr... fine," muttered Haruhi. "At least she won't get you in a traffic accident."

"What- hey! That was totally not my fault!" protested Kaoru. "Besides, _I'm_ the one who got injured."

"And nearly got my boyfriend in the same mess!"

"Why, you-"

The heavy, loud and somehow ominous "thunk" of a heavy bowl being set firmly on the bar. Kaoru suddenly paused nervously, and looked over his shoulders at his club mate. "...ah, Nanahara-san. Um. Sorry, is something bugging you?"

A steely glare settled upon her club president's face. "Yoshioka-kun, I do have homework to do. Let's get this over with?"

"Yare yare..." sighed Kyon.

* * *

They had picked colored toothpicks to see who would get partnered up with whom.

Haruhi wasn't pleased at all with the results.

"I must'ved fumbled something," she muttered as the bus hissed to a stop in front of them. "The wrong toothpick? Did my sleeve catch..."

"Ah, I was wondering how you always ended up with Kyon last week," observed Kaoru as they climbed in. "Anyhow, it's just this once. Where are we going anyhow?"

"Mmph."

Kaoru sighed as he sat across from her, setting his crutch to the side. The smell of stained plastic leather was a corrosive undertone in the public vehicle. "Look, Suzumiya-san, if you want, I can call my sister and ask her to swap."

"Hmph! I think not!" retorted Haruhi. "The Brigade Leader must set an impartial example. If the decision is made, the decision is made."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you just talking about 'fumbling' a rigged matchup?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Kaoru laughed as the bus hissed off.

* * *

Kyon was sweating bullets.

"I see you're feeling better," he said.

"Mm, yes. It's like digesting a big meal," said Mai as she dragged him through a busy street market. "Huge stomach ache at first... but then you get hungry again." She gave him a leering glance as she inspected the butcher's stall. Kyon gulped.

"I'm... surprised," he said lamely. "I thought vampires couldn't come out during the day."

"Oh, I'm not a vampire," she said as she breathed in the scent of meat. "I summoned one. Had him... pay a visit. The dead don't have free will, so I took the blood from him instead. Like fortified red wine..."

Kyon shuddered slightly. From fear or anger, he wasn't quite sure.

* * *

"Hmm... interesting use of color," pondered Itsuki. "The pastels blend well, evoking a sense of-"

"It's a naked chick eating grapes," interrupted Yumiko Nanahara bluntly. Clearly, the short, silver-haired girl isn't much of an art fan. The metropolitan art gallery they visited is fairly busy, with visitors coming in to enjoy the latest additions.

"Well, yes. On a surface glance, that's all there is to it. Then you tilt your head to the left a bit..."

"...that's obscene!"

Itsuki chuckled as he walked on. "Nanahara-san, you seem... overworked. I assume Yoshioka-san has been keeping you all busy?"

She glowered at him. "...yes, you could say that. He does as many patrols as us, though. More, actually- he said the same thing to me about being 'overworked.'"

"This frustrates you?" noted Itsuki.

"Well, yeah. Me overworked? He's the one in a cast! He's the one that was _born_ human." Yumi crossed her arms, fuming. "I know it isn't Suzumiya-san's fault, not directly, but we wouldn't even be on this course of action if it weren't for her."

Itsuki gave her a silent grin.

"...what?"

"I think he would be glad to know that he has such loyal supporters. That's all."

* * *

"What are we investigating today, anyhow?" asked Kaoru curiously.

"Didn't you hear about that explosion at the mall? There's _got_ to be something weird going on!" said Haruhi excitedly as the bus neared their destination.

"Hm? I heard some doofus in the food court left the gas main running for a whole five minutes before turning on the grill."

"...is that really all?"

Kaoru nodded. "Sorry, but industrial accidents happen."

Haruhi smirked. "According to statistics, nine out of ten industrial accidents are sabota-"

"The Illuminatus Trilogy, Wilson and Shea, roughly paraphrased as 'nine out of ten accidents are caused by subconscious sabotage,'" rattled off Kaoru. "Suzumiya, I'm a _science fiction geek._ Don't let the pretty face confuse you."

Haruhi glared angrily at him. "...alright, fine. Then where do you suggest we investigate?"

Kaoru grinned.

* * *

"So what _are_ we supposed to be looking for?" asked Mai as Kyon caught up to her, both hands and then some completely occupied with keeping a massive pile of groceries from crashing to the ground.

"A-aliens, t-time travelers and e-e-espers," he stammered under the gross burden placed upon him. "Y-you know, w-weird stuff. Interesting stuff."

"I didn't ask what Suzumiya-san wanted us to do. I said 'what are we supposed to be looking for?'"

"...huh? Augh..."

Mai ignored his strained groans and walked on towards a gothic lolita fashion boutique. "Ooh, new boots. Should probably get a bra too... Anyhow, since you appear to have the usual male denseness, what I meant was in conjunction with Suzumiya herself, not this sad excuse of a club activity." She laughed as Kyon glowered. "Oh dear, have you really gotten so used to this you think it's actually fun? Well, no matter- answer my question."

"...we're looking for a way to prevent the end of the world, right?"

Mai nodded, suddenly distant. "So why is everybody suddenly on my case, when I just gave us another week to live? It's the only way we know will work, after all. I can understand why _you_ hate me, but my brother...?"

Kyon said nothing.

* * *

"U-um... Nagato-san..." stammered Ryuho Uera- one of the ASPA members dragged into the Brigade, a short man with a closely cut crop of hair. "...Is... is this really what we're supposed to be doing?"

Yuki looked up from her book and gave him a blank look. "I do not understand the query."

"Um... that is... Suzumiya-san wanted us to..."

"This is the minimal extent of our necessary involvement. Her main concern is either Kyon, or to be freed of boredom. Your superior is capable of handling the latter criteria at this time."

"Oh..."

He sheepishly buried himself in the nearest manga on the newsstand.

* * *

"...this is a library," said Haruhi, unimpressed.

"Correction. This is a _science_ library," said Kaoru. "My science library, actually. Physics, mathematics, astronomy... and though I'm not actually all that good at the subject, my personal favorite: biology."

She continued to glare impassively at him. "...I'll bite. What's so special about biology? This better not be anything perverted."

Kaoru grinned, then reached up, grabbing a well-worn book. "I'm sure you've heard all the cheesy things about the 'miracle of life.' But, for the most part, they're true. Life's goddamn _amazing_, Suzumiya. Living things face death in the face every single second of their existence, and not only some, but an overwhelming _most_ of them decide that there's enough things left to do to keep kicking one more day."

"Hmph. Most living creatures are satisfied with just food, water, and sex," scoffed Haruhi. "Is that really the extent of your ambitions, Yoshioka?"

He laughed. "No, of course not. I'm human too, you know." He waved the book at her, eyes narrowed knowingly. "And human beings, one and all, are storytellers."

"...you lost me."

"Six-point-five billion people in this world, Suzumiya. Do you think they're just a faceless mob? Each one, even the most boring, even the dullest of them... in their hearts they hold whole universes. The truest need for a sentient mind is on a more fundamental level than food or drink or reproduction- it's a drive towards self-actualization."

* * *

"Mmm... this is truly astounding tea, Asahina-san," murmured Keisuke Yamamoto, a tall man of long moss-green hair and thin glasses. He smiled charmingly at his partner. "You should really bring some to the ASFA meeting next time. I've been trying to get our president to bring a more refined culture to our affairs..."

"Ah-h... thank you, Yamamoto-san..." stammered Mikuru. "Um... about the current state of affairs..."

Keisuke frowned. "Such a dull topic. Very well, about it: Suzumiya Haruhi's powers have been diminished enough that, for now, we've fallen off my former brethren's equivalent to radar." He sipped his tea slowly. "As for my superior's pet project, I must warn you- not all of us are as... optimistic about our chances. The time travelers... if things fall apart, what shall you do, Asahina-san?"

"That... is confidential information," she replied nervously.

He stared at her over the edge of the porcelain cup.

* * *

"Ne, Kyon," said Haruhi as they biked off, the sun setting behind them. She clung to him as he pedaled off to the dorms, streetlights slowly flickering on as they passed.

"Hm? Everything okay?" he asked.

"What do you dream about?"

Kyon shrugged. "Other than you?"

She nudged him irritably as he laughed. "Baka. I wasn't talking about _those_ kind of dreams."

"Alright, alright. Um... dreamed I was fighting a giant space cricket once."

"...a giant space cricket."

Kyon nodded, grinning in memory of it. "The rest of the SOS-dan were in a desert. Itsuki was throwing fireballs at it. You remember Full Metal Panic? Yuki finally defeated it by tossing a Lambda Driver at it." He laughed. "Seems ridiculous, right? I think I stayed up watching anime too long that night."

"...I'm surprised." Haruhi happily nuzzled him. "I guess you're not such a boring boyfriend after all."

* * *

_AN: Your eyes do not deceive you. This is, in fact, the long-overdue chapter four! And almost totally fails to resemble the first draft- of which I wrote nearly half a year ago now._

_Wow, I suck._

_ANYHOW. I need proofreaders. Betas. I need somebody to not just tell me that I'm doing a good job, but to point out where I might want to tweak things to make it a_ great_ job. But, mostly, I need somebody that's going to actually get back to me in something resembling a timely matter- this chapter was done a week and a half ago, I'm _done_ with chapter five, and am a quarter of a way through chapter six!_

_Thanks, however, to Chris, for finally giving me a read-through tonight._


	5. Chapter 5

"We would be much more comfortable if this were canceled outright."

"Heck no. It'll be fine. I'm looking forward to it, actually."

"The risk you are asking us to put her in-"

"Is _less_ than normal. This is a controlled situation. I've had years to establish the variables."

Chapter Five – Sun

The streetlights flickered above. A warm wind blew past Kaoru as a black, unmarked car pulled up. Its door opened and closed with a barely discernible click as Itsuki stepped out and nodded at Kaoru.

"Thank you for meeting me this late at night," he said, both of their expressions masked in the flickering light.

"It's not a problem. Things have been calm recently, as I'm sure you're aware. Whether it was due to your sister's interference or yours, we're still not certain."

"Might be both, might be both," said Kaoru. "We in a secure location?"

The streetlights flickered, then glowed a gray-blue as they were overtaken.

"We are now," Itsuki answered. "This is of concern, by the way. The attacks have weakened, but. . ."

"The topographical nature of Closed Space has been altered, I know," said Kaoru calmly. "This bit I'm fairly sure I caused. It's a reflection of the memetic programming initiated."

"What _did_ you talk to her about?"

"Oh, just a few things. 'Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax.'" said Kaoru with a smirk.

"'Of cabbages and kings,'" finished Itsuki. "Ominous."

"Indeed. To be honest, the gambit's slowly morphing into a roulette. Ultimately, if I am to stop short of overt manipulation, all I can do is put more lights on one path than another. I can't make her walk."

Itsuki looked at him carefully, then grinned. "But we both know who can."

"Heh..."

* * *

The sun rose later, and one godling, one alien, a time traveler, five fallen angels, and six otherwise normal human beings stirred reluctantly from the comfortingly warm haze of sleep. Some of them were unceremoniously startled _out _of sleep by the resonant blast of a car horn- or, in the case of a prankster and his roommate, an air horn less than a centimeter away. But, one and all, they made their way out of the city, taking advantage of the light morning traffic, and slowly making their way upward and into the wild.

The trip up the mountainside was scenic. Beautiful, actually, as the early-morning fog slowly unveiled the sights around them. Mist clung and drifted off of vast trees, the interplay of shadows and lights dancing all around them, streaming through the condensation of the van's windows.

"So what's the Yoshioka family's cabin like?" Haruhi asked curiously. "I didn't know there was one up here."

"It's a western-style villa," Yumiko said, yawning. "Ergh, hate these early-morning trips. Anyhow, the Yoshioka family built an observatory for our club's purposes a couple of years ago, when he was a freshman."

"...that... that sounds awfully..."

"Expensive, yes." Yumiko sighed. "He shows off. I'm sorry, I know he can be a bit irritable when he does- we're in the same grade, so he's been bugging me since day one."

"Oh, you poor dear. I'm so sorry," said Mai apologetically.

Kaoru's eyebrow twitched uncharacteristically as his car struck into the dirt paths. "I'm... I'm right here, you know. Driving."

All three blew him a raspberry as the luggage behind them shook softly.

* * *

The other van, on the other hand, was filled to brimming with occupants. An elbow to face situation, almost definitively, or sardines packed in a can. Some of the club members were even on the floor, riding out the jostling shakes of the dirt road. Scenery? What scenery?

"We're almost there," called out the driver and vice president, Tanaka Iori. "Just bear it a little longer."

"Vice prez, you suck!" called out a disatisfied voice from the far back. Snickering emphasized his statement.

"Hey, you drive worse than I do!" Tanaka snapped back. "Remember last year?"

"Nobody saw that turtle on the road!"

"Yare yare..." sighed Kyon. His face was pressed against the window pane- a situation made even more uncomfortable by the fact that he was being pressed up against it by _Itsuki_. Thoughts of Tsuruya's teasing bubbled up against his will, though he consciously realized that Itsuki was probably just as uncomfortable, if not more so. The guy pressing up against Koizumi was sweating something fierce under the combined body heat of the car's occupants. "The girls lucked out..."

* * *

"It's... wow," said Haruhi, speechless for once.

The villa was a three-story mansion topped with a hemispherical observatory. Pinewood walls topped with a roof seemingly made solely of solar panels rose up from the mountain's face, catching the mist-shrouded rays of morning light.

"We'll be separating the bedroom wings by sex, of course," said Kaoru as he unlocked the trunk, coughing as the dust of travel drifted onto him. "Blegh. Anyhow, it's. . . just a formality." He gave Haruhi a sidelong glance. "We have a couple amongst us this year, after all. At least it isn't like last year, what with Yamamoto-kun and his ex. . . both of them."

"Are you. . . suggesting something?" she asked, her right eye twitching.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing. Conveniently and, I assure you, completely by chance, these thick, wooden walls do a great job of absorbing sound." He laughed as she started kicking dust at him.

The other van pulled up, and ten lightly bruised guys crawled out.

"Next year," huffed a club member. "I'm driving."

"Oh, hey, you guys alright?" asked Kaoru. "I forgot to mention- the suspension on that van's been acting up."

They _all_ kicked dust at him. Even Itsuki.

* * *

"So what's the agenda for today?" asked Kyon as he helped Itsuki and Kaoru unpack the vans. "The girls are talking about taking a hike down the southern trail."

"Well, first, I was thinking about making some lunch," mused Kaoru as he handed a few backpacks to Itsuki. "Bit of a challenge, feeding sixteen people- I had somebody send up three day's worth of food supplies, of course, but cooking it all might be tricky. Last year was only ten folks."

Kyon eyed him.

". . .what?"

". . .you're cooking."

Kaoru gave him a quizzical look. "Um, yeah. I always do."

"Don't you own maids or chefs or something?" Kyon asked, skeptic.

Kaoru's confusion faded to hurt. "Hey, that's uncalled for. I _like_ cooking. Just because I have a mansion up in the mountains doesn't mean I. . . spend money like. . . . . .alright, so you have a point," he muttered, embarrassed at Kyon's observation.

Itsuki chuckled as he bumped the trunk door closed. "About the itinerary?"

"Oh, right," grunted Kaoru as he heaved up two heavy coolers. "Most of the activities, given my club's focus, are nocturnal. We're actually due for a meteor shower tomorrow night, much to our luck, and the weather's going to be fair for the duration of our stay."

". . .I don't want to know why you didn't mean 'predicted to be fair,'" said Kyon.

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Geez, but you're grumpy today. No, it's going to be fair because the weather service forecasted sunny skies for at least a week. I don't screw with the weather- too many variables."

Itsuki nodded. "And, of course, if Suzumiya-san doesn't want it to..."

"Ha, yes, of course. I'll be manning the barbecues today, feel free to check out the lake nearby. If you aren't the outdoorsy type, I've got a book collection upstairs large enough to satisfy even Nagato-san." They walked onto the balcony, where a barbecue grill was already billowing with smoke and fire. Kaoru set down the coolers, and breathed a sigh of relief. "The girls had the right idea- it really is a beautiful day today."

* * *

"Hey, cool!" exclaimed Haruhi as the girls took a break on an old, short bridge. A massive waterfall crashed before them**, **splashing down into a deep lake, a cool spray of mist creeping across the rippling surface and cooling them down. "Talk about scenic!"

She promptly started to strip.

Yumiko jumped back a step, shouting, "Wha-what are you doing?!"

"Taking a swim, what do ya think?" said Haruhi. "C'mon! It's warm today!"

"But- but there's ten guys around here!"

Haruhi laughed. "So? Didn't you bring your swimsuit? Yoshioka-san mentioned a lake, after all. Mikuru-chan! Hurry up!" A loud splash- a cannonball right off the bridge, drenching Mai and Mikuru with a squeal of surprise. Mikuru joined in soon after, with Yuki calmly stripping down to a one-piece and walking in behind her.

"Hey, come on, Nanahara-san!" said Mai, laughing as she quickly undressed. "We're the only ones out here- the guys are all busy setting up the equipment for tonight."

"W-well, what if some of them decided to take a break? I- I mean, I don't want some geek to come by just to stare at me!" Yumiko protested.

"Nanahara-san, did you forget to bring a swimsuit?" asked Mikuru.

"Um- yeah, that's right, I left my swimsuit in my room, see, and-"

"Just jump in then!" Haruhi commanded. "It's just us girls here, and your clothes will dry in no time!"

"That's. . . that's a ridiculous suggestion!"

Yuki blinked". . .Sufficient data obtained. She appears to suffer from mild hydrophobia."

Yumiko gave the alien an exasperated and defeated look. "It. . . it isn't that. I. . . I can't swim."

"Oh..." said Haruhi, momentarily disappointed. Then that irrepressible smile flared right back up. "That's alright! I'll teach you!" She began to swim for the shore_._

"What? Teach me? What do you- hey! Hey! No! Aah! Mai, help me- no, not you too! Leggo! Leggo- GIVE THAT BACK!"

In hindsight, she should have really started running off of that bridge the moment she realized she was caught between a sociopath and - even worse - Haruhi.

* * *

"Hey, where are the girls?" asked Keisuke as he strolled up to the barbeque pits. "Smells like lunch's ready."

"They grabbed some lunchmeats and went off to find the nearby lake," Itsuki answered as he gave Kyon an impenetrable smile. The Go board between them was riddled with a storm of black pieces.

Kaoru nodded in confirmation. "Told them to bring swimsuits ahead of time. It's nice, warm weather we're having."

Keisuke gave him an odd look. ". . .swimsuits. Um. . . you aren't _scrying_ them right now, are you?" Kaoru gave him a confused look as he turned over a hot dog. "Well, your nose is bleeding."

". . .it's- what the. . .! Grab the tongs- grab the tongs, dammit!" He shoved the utensil into Keisuke's hands as he groped for a paper towel. "Blasted mountain air!"

* * *

Yumiko wheezed and panted as she clung desperately to the shore. "I'm in, alright?! I'm in the water! Happy?!"

"No!" declared Haruhi. "You must swim! Swim!"

"But I don't want to!"

"But you must!" Haruhi paddled furiously as she clung to the other girl's waist- to no avail, as Yumiko's vice grip on the pillar was insurmountable. "Mmmnnrrrgh! Come on! How are you ever going to get over your fears if you don't confront them head on?!"

"Who said I wanted to confront anything?!"

"You know..." said Mai thoughtfully. "My brother has this thing about bikinis. . ."

Yumiko looked back, surprised. "Huh? He does?"

"Not really. No more so than any other guy. I just said that so you'd loosen your grip."

"GOTCHA!" yelled Haruhi as she tugged hard.

"AAAH! STOP! YOU'RE PULLING IT OFF! YOU'RE PULLING IT-"

* * *

"I. . . I think I'm getting a bit faint," said Kaoru as he reached for a tissue box. "Um. . . Iori-san, take over the grill, will you?"

"Are you alright?" asked Iori as he rushed over and took up the tongs.

"I dunno! It won't stop leaking!" exclaimed Kaoru in a mild panic. "Maybe I had too many beers? Whoa, woozy... yeah, one too many cans..."

Itsuki got up and grabbed his shoulders. "Yoshioka-san, you might want to get out of the sun. I think you're suffering from mild heat exhaustion."

"You're probably right. . . oergh. . ."

* * *

They finally calmed down, though Haruhi was still giggling intermittently. They were resting on the west bank of the lake, soaking up the sunlight. Or, at least, everybody else was - Yumi was sprawled flat on the ground, breathing raggedly from exhaustion.

"See? Told you I'd teach you to swim!" said Haruhi, enthusiastically flashing a victory sign at her. "All you needed was motivation!"

"Ne. . . Suzumiya-san. . . maybe you went too far. . .?" asked Mikuru.

"Don't be ridiculous! The greater the motivation, the greater the chance of success!"

". . .I. . . am _this_. . . close to claiming. . . sexual harrassment," Yumiko hissed between breaths.

"Suzumiya-san is, however, correct," interjected Yuki. "You swam successfully for five-point-thirty-two minutes. Congratulations."

"Huh? But I. . . huh."

Mai pondered. "Hmm. . . actually, my brother doesn't like to swim much himself. But that really only started last year, for some reason. Yumi-chan, do you know what happened?"

Yumiko flushed instantly. "It. . . it's nothing. I don't know."

"Ooooh?" said Haruhi mischievously. "I smell a seeecret!"

"It's nothing!" protested Yumi. "There's not much to it, alright?"

"Well, what _is_ there to it?" asked Mai curiously. "We were both on a family cruise a few months before that club excursion. He was doing laps in the pool the entire time, so his hydrophobia definitely wasn't before then."

Yumiko flushed, and looked awkwardly away. "I did something stupid last year, alright? There was a drought last year, remember, and it was really hot... so I... I jumped off that very bridge, actually. Only, the water level was a lot lower, and there was a boulder..."

The girls, excluding Yuki, winced.

"What happened?" asked Mikuru. "Were you... were you alright?"

Yumiko squirmed. "I don't remember. I was knocked out cold. The next thing I remembered was waking up in that clinic at the small town we passed by on the way here. Haruko - Yamamoto-san's ex-girlfriend, was in the room."

"Hm? But what does this have to do with my brother?" asked Mai.

Yumiko looked away. "Haruko. . . told me that he was the one that pulled me back up. And. . . and that they had to tranquilize him, actually."

Mai sighed as a moment of silence passed. "I'm sorry, Yumi-chan. That must've been mortifying," she said. "You recover from your injury, only to find that my brother. . . was an idiot. Again."

Haruhi looked uncharacteristically thoughtful. "I don't know. . . The only times I've seen Kyon in a panic, he thought I was hurt. And I've never seen Yoshioka-san lose control."

"You- you aren't suggesting that he. . . I. . ." stammered Yumiko.

Mai thoughtfully took Yumiko's hand, and gave her a sweet smile. "Nanahara-san, please take care of my brother? He can be an idiot, so he needs somebody sensible to watch over him."

"Wha. . . whaaaaat?!"

* * *

"Whew, alright. I feel a bit better," sighed Kaoru as he slid the balcony door closed behind him. "How's the grill going?"

"Not bad, not bad," said Kyon as he bit into a rib. "Hey, haven't the girls been gone for a while?"

Kaoru checked his watch. "They should be heading back soon. I told sis to come back in time to help set up dinner."

". . .I completely forgot your sister was with them. Um, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Kaoru emphatically nodded. "Nanahara-san's with them. And Nagato-san. You know what Nagato-san's capable of - and Nanahara-san is absolutely trustworthy. There aren't that many of 'us' here this year, actually - only those three over there by the telescopes, and us two. But even without Nagato-san, I can breathe easily as long as Yumiko's watching over the situation."

Kyon nodded absentmindedly as Itsuki made his move, placing a white piece down with a smug "click" and swept the board.

* * *

Yumiko grumbled as they hiked on back. "I don't get it. . . how the heck do they have so much energy? We hiked for four hours, s-swam for one. . ."

"Suzumiya-san is. . . energetic," said Mikuru, smiling half-apologetically as the two of them slowly made their way behind the rest of the group. "It's partly because her metabolism is abnormally. . . um. . . wait, that's confidential. . ."

Yumiko snorted. "Let me guess - she doesn't want to feel tired, so she isn't."

"Um. . . that's pretty close."

Yumiko nodded. "That would probably explain Mai's unusual level of energy too. If she isn't careful, she's going to give away her true nature."

Mikuru shook her head. "Mai is. . . more complicated than she looks."

"What's so complicated about a gore-loving psychopathic?" scoffed Yumi, glowering at the other girl's back.

"Well, I did my history thesis on. . . ah!" Mikuru flailed, suddenly recalling both place _and_ time. "Um - um - forget I said anything! Please!" she exclaimed desperately.

Yumiko looked at Mikuru quizzically. ". . .Oh, right, Yoshioka-san said that you're a time traveler. Well, I won't ask too much."

". . .Th-thank you," said Mikuru gratefully. "My superiors. . . they're threatening to drop my pay grade again. . ."

Yumiko laughed. "Really? But you've been on this case for, what, five years now?"

"I- I know. . ." she said sadly. "I don't understand why they chose me to- oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to complain!"

Yumiko gave her a bewildered stare. ". . .Asahina-san, you are in _dire_ need of a vacation."

* * *

"Hey! You're back just in time!" Kaoru yelled as the girls came down the path. "Everything's set up and ready- and the grill's running hot!"

"You pyro," said Yumiko bluntly. "Did you set anything on fire this time? Your shirt? The benches?"

"Hey! That was only once! I didn't use nearly as much lighter fluid!"

Yumiko glared at him suspiciously. "Are you trying to tell me you _weren't_ cackling with glee when you tossed in the match?"

". . .Maybe a little." he answered sheepishly.

"President Yoshioka scared the first-years again," said Keisuke as he walked out of the house, a projector in hand. Three club members were behind him, grunting as they hefted a giant, rolled-up screen. "One's still in the restroom, whimpering about 'the devil, the devil!'"

"Heh. . ." said Kaoru, grinning slyly. "Maybe I should do that next year as well, as an initiation ritual for the. . ." He trailed away under the girls' stony glares. ". . .Never mind."

Keisuke sighed. "I thought you stopped drinking?"

"You've been drinking _again_?!" exclaimed Mai angrily.

".. . Yamamoto, you tattler. . ." said Kaoru glumly as his sister dragged him off by the shirt collar into the cabin.

Kyon sighed as he sat back on a plastic recliner, ignoring the yelling coming from within, then yelped as a sudden mass of brown hair and mischief landed square on his stomach. "Ooph, Haruhi!"

"Heeeya," she said, grinning madly. "We found a lake."

"I see that," said Kyon, his voice muffled through a face full of wet hair. "Feel it too."

"You're coming with me tomorrow, of course. That's an order."

"Hai, hai, Danchou. . ." he sighed, though with a small smirk. Haruhi in a bikini didn't sound like too much of a bothersome activity, even if it does mean hiking. Besides, all those years trekking up that hill to school, a short walk to the lake posed no challenge.

"Good boy," said Haruhi cheekily as she pecked him on the cheek. "Now, since you feel like being so obedient, give me your seat and get me some hamburgers." She giggled as Kyon walked off muttering.

* * *

"Gets cold fast, doesn't it?" asked Yumiko as she approached Mikuru, on the observatory's deck, two cups of hot cider in her hands. "It's not Autumn yet, but you can already feel the seasons change, yeah?"

Mikuru nodded gratefully as she took the cider. "I'm not used to the weather changing so suddenly."

"Ah? So I guess global warming's still a problem?" Yumiko smiled as Mikuru's face flushed. "Sorry, sorry. Besides, climate change is a slow thing- I should know."

"Oh... oh yeah. You've been around for... um... quite a while, haven't you?"

Yumiko nodded. "Only in human form a few times, but yes. First century was a mess - no word from my superior for years at a time, then bizarre orders coming out of left field. You know, I actually missed having tear ducts?" Mikuru started to sniffle. Yumiko looked at her in alarm, and set her mug down against the railing. "Asahina-san? Are you alright?"

"Y-you _understand_. . ." The lament was punctuated by soft hiccups.

Yumiko gingerly took the mug out of her hands. Apparently, hard cider went straight to Mikuru's head.

* * *

"What. . . what the heck did I just watch?!" protested Haruhi as she munched irritably on popcorn. Kyon was irritated too, his eyebrows twitching - she was taking the popcorn straight out of _his_ hands, just as he was about to bite down himself.

He had to admit, however, that Haruhi's confusion was not unwarranted.

"This is truly a fascinating film," Itsuki mused. "'Von Neumann's Catastrophe'. . . Yoshioka-san, who directed this?"

"Mm, acquaintance of mine in Taiwan." Kaoru plunked down a refilled cooler in the middle of the grass field. Five hands immediately shot out towards him, palms faced up. "Lazy bastards- get it yourself!"

"Ah, a student work? It is surprisingly philosophical."

"What, you mean for a sci-fi noir action flick? Eh, I guess so. The idea was based off the works of World War Two intelligence activities, given a bit of a modern tech spin. Procedurally generated 'Strange Loops' of disinformation. The acting's more than a bit wooden, though." Kaoru tossed him a drink.

"Ah, thank you. Well, true, the acting isn't professional. But I've noticed that the theme of absolute uncertainty extends into the cinematography itself - the blending of the real and the virtual."

Kaoru grinned widely. "Are you sure it isn't a blend of the _virtual_ and the real?"

"What's the difference?" asked Haruhi, her curiosity piqued. "You just switched the words around, after all."

Kaoru nodded. "But placement is key. Is it a plot from the virtual world intruding upon the domain of the outer world? Or is it the other way around?"

Haruhi frowned as she mulled it over. "It's neither. Von Neumann's Catastrophe's' own title suggests that there is no absolute answer to the story's central question- it's the real world controlling the virtual controlling the real, and so on and so forth. Just like how quantum uncertainty can't be resolved without determining the quantum state of the measuring apparatus, then the state of the measuring apparatus used to determine the prior one, and so on."

The boys paused, and gave her an incredulous look, Kyon most of all. She began to fidget uncomfortably under their stares.

". . .What?" she finally asked. "I read about it somewhere. . ."

Kaoru laughed loudly as the credits rolled. "Kyon-kun, this one's a keeper! Cheers, Suzumiya-san - you're the first one in the club to grasp that so quickly. Was it my impromptu tour of the library that helped?"

A look of consternation crossed her face. "M- maybe?"

"Heh, glad to hear," said Kaoru slyly. "You're welcomed to borrow whatever catches your interest, Suzumiya-san."

"Thanks, I guess. . . Kyon, what are you doing?" For all intents and purposes, it seemed as if Kyon was giving her a scalp massage.

"Just trying to see if your head grew bigger since the last time I checked," he said, grinning.

"Mou, baka. . . ah. . . right there. . ." Or perhaps he really was giving her one.

Itsuki gave a polite cough. "Well, it's getting late. Perhaps we should turn in?"

Kaoru snickered. "Alright, alright. You two head back in. There'll be a scattering of meteors tonight, actually, but they're just precursors for tomorrow's event. Koizumi-kun, I believe you wanted to check it out?"

"Mm. . . I am a bit sleepy. . ." said Haruhi as she impishly collapsed onto Kyon. "Kyon! Carry me!"

"Unph! Ow, my shoulders," groaned Kyon as he struggled to his feet. "Argh, lay off the hot dogs, Haruhi!"

"Hey, no making fun of my weight!" She tightened her grip around his neck.

"Argh. . . alright! Alright! To bed with you!"

The two other boys laughed as they separated for the night.

* * *

". . .a-and then they started dating, a-and that's how it's supposed to go, you know?" mewled Mikuru sadly. "And - hic - and what can I do? I-I'm not supposed to f-fall for. . . for. . ."

Yumiko had changed her mind about keeping the cider away from the other girl. She poured a fresh up, and handed it to Mikuru, nodding glumly as the time traveler laid out years of frustration before her.

"Well, hey, there's got to be an end in sight, right?" asked Yumiko. "And your superiors must think you're doing a decent job of it."

"Th-that's what I try and tell myself. . ." She sighed morosely. ". . .I mean, I can't say that being with Suzumiya-san and K-Kyon and everybody else isn't fun sometimes. . . even Yuki. Actually, it's been a lot of fun sometimes. Koizumi-san took us out to this island once, owned by his Organization. . ." She smiled, remembering. "They planned- hic- planned a whole murder mystery event for Suzumiya-san."

Yumiko nodded as she took a sip of hot cider. "The world does seem to revolve around that girl. Which is understandable. Still, Asahina-san, your _work_ revolves around her, not your _life_. C'mon- the future's gotta have genetic tweaking and such, 'cuz I absolutely refuse to believe your parents didn't specifically opt for the cute look. You must get dates all the time!"

Mikuru giggled. "That's confidential!"

* * *

"So what _am_ I looking for?" asked Itsuki as he peered through a massive array of home-built lenses and calibrators. "I definitely see a few streaks, but I have a feeling that isn't related to the business at hand."

Kaoru sighed. "Well, you'll hopefully _not_ see it. Celestials, I mean. If we were anywhere else in the entire world, I wouldn't have dared bring them together in such close proximity for an hour, much less a full night."

"I assume one of the 'them' in question is Suzumiya-san?"

Kaoru nodded. "And the other is my sister. The problem with infinities, Koizumi-kun, is that you can't really subtract from them."

Itsuki nodded grimly. "Suzumiya-san's strength returned rapidly. Your sister's own strength is also waxing full - the power she drained from the brigade chief is taking its time to dwindle. You are expecting an attack soon?"

For a moment, the world felt. . . _filtered_, as if the myriad shades of black and green of the night had been twisted and warped through tiny sieves. When the sensation faded, the silvery blue aura that permeated Closed Space had settled down upon them.

"'Expect?' No, I know she'll attack." Kaoru's eyes gleamed in the dim light of the closed universe. "I know it, because I was the one that taught her."

* * *

_AN: This was a fun chapter to write, for reasons obvious and not. Enormous thanks to Esbee and Chris for proofreading- an external perspective makes _all_ the difference in the world._


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